Tag Archives: Hope

THE BEST CHRISTMAS GIFT

LIGHT FROM THE LORD

I was gazing out the window noticing the winter weather as I was writing notes on Christmas cards. The wintry day caught my attention with the bareness of the trees and lack of sunlight. It was noticeably monotone and drab in my back yard where it is usually vibrant with life and color.

I noticed the stark contrast between the drabness outside and the joy and brightness in my soul. As I pondered that distinct difference, words began flooding into my spirit. The thoughts of the wintry day reminded me of what life would be like without Christ.

Apart from Christ, we would be destined for a wintry life.

As we celebrate Christ’s birth this week, let us all remember why He was born. He came to give new life.

His love is a gift that breaks into the dark places of the soul and brings forth light. He strengthens us when we’re weak. He fills us with love when we’re loveless. He soothes our sorrows when we’re mourning. He heals the heart when it’s broken. He restores the broken things and makes beauty out of our mistakes.

He is the redeemer of every painful trial we’ll ever face.

God brought forth Christ the Messiah for all people, so that we could live abundantly in hope and peace no matter how dark it becomes in the world. His light overcomes all darkness. The love of Christ is the best Christmas gift we’ll ever receive.

Lord Jesus,

Let us be keenly aware of Your love and light this Christmas. Let us rejoice over the gifts You have given us through a loving relationship with You. Amen.

 “For once you were full of darkness, but now you have light from the Lord. So live as people of light!” —Ephesians 5:8

DANCING IN THE RAIN

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The rain would start pouring down hard and my children would be energetically bouncing with joy.  Their little voices would beg me to let them go outside. “Mommy, if there’s no thunder, can we go out in the rain?”

I would stand at the door and watch them jump around and dance in the rain. It was full living at its best as they splashed in the puddles. Sometimes they would dance, or they would make a tent of umbrellas on the driveway. Sometimes they would simply stand in the rain on the edge of the street feeling the rush of water flowing between their toes.

The rain didn’t stop them from simply enjoying the day.

Children hold the key to a happy life. They are innocent in their thinking, and they know how to enjoy life to the fullest instinctively. A downpour of rain doesn’t hinder a child’s ability to embrace the moment and live fully.

This is how our Father in heaven wants us to live out our lives. When He created us He never intended for us to grudgingly endure life. His original idea was for us to see Him in the midst of the rain showers and enjoy life to the fullest.

God knew life wouldn’t be perfect or easy. I believe His greatest desire is for us to rely on Him in the midst of the rainy days. When we’re dependent upon Him, He continually pours out His grace and love onto our lives in the most unimaginable ways.

Years ago while praying, I heard words in my spirit that changed my perspective.

If you stay on the path with Me, you will not be disappointed.” God whispered those life-giving words to my heart.

At first I was thinking, “How can that be possible?” But I soon understood what the Lord was trying to get me to understand. He wanted me to know that if I followed Him and stayed close to His heart, He would turn my mourning into dancing instantaneously in the midst of disappointing circumstances.

His words have proved to be true in my life. I can honestly say—because I have been so wrapped up in God’s love—that disappointment has not lingered in my heart, nor has anything been able to rob me of my joy during the latter years of my life. Not any setback or loss or shattered dream can take away the joy that comes from Christ. His joy is eternal. When we have Him—we have everything.

Life is full of difficulties and challenges for everyone. No matter how much a person tries to put on a facade, nobody’s life is perfect. No human is immune to pain. Pain is not our enemy when Jesus is the center of our lives. His love overshadows everything and we can fellowship in His sufferings (Philippians 3:10).

My grandmother Mimi lived fully alive until she passed away at ninety-five years old. She had every reason to be bitter and unhappy. Her six-year-old brother died in an accident when she was a young girl and her father died when she was a young teen, leaving her in a state of poverty with a mother who wasn’t very affectionate.  Yet she danced in the rain.

My friend and mentor Bonnie had a gift for expressing what it means to live fully. She said, “With Christ, there are no disappointments. The challenges in life are HIS-appointments.” Bonnie passed away in 2008. Her faith in Christ lives on in my heart.

Leaning on our own strength leads to more disappointment. It’s when we lean on Jesus that we see His glory in our lives.

Life is undeniably hard. Every day we have a choice. We can either focus on the troubles in our lives or look toward Christ and live in His presence and glory. Why not choose the latter and see God’s Glory in your life? Choose joy. Choose life.

When the rain pours down, choose to turn toward Jesus and dance!

“You have turned for me my mourning into dancing; You have loosed my sackcloth and girded me with gladness.” — Psalm 30:11 (NAS Bible)

“Children of Zion, celebrate! Be glad in your God. He’s giving you a teacher to train you how to live right—Teaching, like rain out of heaven, showers of words to refresh and nourish your soul, just as He used to do.”

Joel 2:23 (The Message)

This article has been revised from a piece originally written in March, 2008.

The photo was downloaded at istockphoto.com.

A NEW SONG

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It was during the early morning hours. I felt weak and restless as I was facing a challenge in my life that seemed impossible to overcome.

With tears rolling down my cheeks, I bowed down at the feet of the Father. I cried out for strength. I prayed, “Father, the obstacles on the path laid out for me feel too big.” His warm embrace enveloped my heart as His love washed over me. His Spirit soothed my soul and the sweetness of His presence encircled every ounce of my being. His words flooded into my spirit.

 “Child, nothing is too big for Me. I’ll never ask you to do more than I created you for. Rest in Me. Rest in My love, rest in knowing there is nothing I’ll ask of you that will ever be too big. My grace is sufficient for you. In your weakness, My strength is made perfect. Arise my child. Let me put a new song in your heart. Let My love lift you up and carry you.”

As His loving words permeated my heart, my soul was restored in an instant. He breathed new life into my spirit and strengthened me. Joy replaced the tears. Peace covered me and made me ready to begin a new day with a new song in my heart—a song of joy for celebrating the love I had found in my Father’s arms.

With the love of God, and His strength—life is made beautiful. He carries those who completely depend on Him.

Lord, 

I lift up each one reading this prayer. Surround her with Your peace and give her a new song in her heart today—a song of joy and a song of hope for all the great things You have in store. I pray in Your name, Christ. Amen.

“My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness. Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me.”

— Corinthians 12:9 (NIV)

 “He put a new song in my mouth, a hymn of praise to our God”

— Psalm 40:3 (NIV)

 This post has been revised and edited from a piece I wrote in 2009.

STRONG MARRIAGES ARE BUILT ON THE ROCK OF CHRIST

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The sun was setting as Michael and I were walking to the edge of Mobile Bay to see the fireworks in Fairhope, Alabama. As my husband held my hand gently with his strong hand, it felt blissful to think back over nearly three decades of being married. For the first time in years, we had gotten away alone. The family-friendly and quaint city of Fairhope was the perfect way to celebrate the independence of our country and the beauty we’ve found in our marriage.

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Looking back at the beginning of our relationship, I could’ve never dreamed of how incredibly beautiful our marriage would be after twenty-nine years of being married. My grandmother had prayed for my husband since I was an infant. She often told me that she was praying for the man I would marry. Because of her words, as a young girl I possessed a unique confidence in God to lead me to the special man who was somewhere in the world waiting to reveal his love for me.

Our Wedding Picture

Twelve days after my eighteenth birthday, my prince arrived. Within six weeks, I knew Michael was the man I would marry. I wrote about it in my journal with limited words in case someone got a hold of my diary, and I kept it a secret in my heart until four weeks later, when I received the surprise of my life.

Ten weeks after we met, Michael whisked me away to the breathtaking North Georgia Mountains. He planned a day of hiking for us, and led me to Helton Creek Falls tucked deep in the woods—a place he had discovered years before and had dreamed about proposing to his future wife. While I was sitting on a tree limb in front of the waterfalls, Michael got down on his knee and presented me with a magnificent diamond ring. In his knightly way, he asked, “Will you marry me?”

Even though I’d known in my heart, Michael was the one for me; the question caught me off guard. Words about marriage had never come out of either of our mouths. It had only been seven days since Michael had first told me he loved me. I didn’t know that he’d been having the same intuitive thoughts I was having about our destiny together. He knew if he waited much longer the element of surprise would be lost. His plan worked. I was taken by complete surprise. The word, “Yes!” popped out of my mouth quicker than my mind could fully comprehend what was happening.

I was overjoyed and utterly amused by the thought of being his bride. It was a dream come true—one I had replayed over and over in my head while pretending to be a princess when I was a young girl. Even now, it evokes emotions in me, remembering the beauty of the summer we first fell in love. It was everything screenplay writers and poets write about. It was magical. If I’d not been so young, we would’ve married the summer we met.

We got married twenty-two months later in April, 1985. We were two young people passionately in love, making a pledge to walk in oneness. Some of the memories are crystal clear to me, others are not as clear. I have a twenty-seven page memory book I wrote about our wedding and honeymoon that helps to fill in the gaps.

The one detail etched in my mind above all others is how the Spirit of God was so powerful the day we said our vows. While taking communion, I wept as I sensed the Holy Spirit so powerfully. It was truly a union ordained by God. In my memory book, I wrote about how many of our guests said our wedding was the most meaningful ceremony they had ever attended. I believe our guests were sensing the powerful presence of Christ Jesus that day.

After celebrating with our family and friends, we made our departure for our much awaited honeymoon. Within minutes of arriving at our destination, an enthusiastic, young man approached our car and introduced himself to us. With a huge smile, he said, “I’m Derek.” He told us that the Just Married decorations on our car had captured his attention. We were at the Quality Inn in Orlando, Florida and weren’t expecting to get special attention. But Derek helped us carry our luggage in. Then he prayed the sweetest prayer with us about our new marriage.

We never saw Derek around the hotel again, except for one other time. During our stay there, he came to our room, knocked on the door, and handed Michael a card. Inside the card he wrote what I believe was a message from God. It was as though the young man knew we would need the encouraging words for the road ahead of us. He filled the card with words of blessings. It ended with these words: “May you both be willing to forgive each other when difficulties arise even as Christ Jesus forgives you. Don’t let the sun go down on your anger, but always seek restitution promptly. May your marriage be built on the rock of Jesus who ensures stability in trying times.

At the top of the card, he drew a picture of us standing on a rock. Next to it were the words, “The Rock of Jesus.” Many times I have wondered who Derek really was. He couldn’t have been more than twenty-five years old. How could he have so much wisdom? Was he really an angel in disguise?

On the Rock

This card has remained sacred to me since that day in 1985. I have kept it in a place of honor with our marriage certificate. Through the years when we were fighting storms that threatened to destroy our marriage, and all I could see was darkness around me, the Lord reminded me of the words of wisdom written in that card. When I felt like giving up, I held onto those words and God’s promises, and trusted the Lord to carry us through.

In the past—especially when our children were small and we had very little time for each other, the pain and disappointment in our relationship seemed impossible to recover from. But Derek’s words proved to be true, and we saw for ourselves that a marriage built firmly with Christ as the foundation will never fail. God’s love prevails no matter how much pain there is when we forgive each other daily through the power of His Holy Spirit.

Our recent trip to the Mobile Bay area will be forever etched in my mind as a time of joy and victorious celebration. As our hearts are now truly woven together as one in Christ, we celebrated and will continue to revel in all that God has done in our marriage to teach us about His love and forgiveness.

My heart is rejoicing because we made it through the fierce storms, the sun is shining brightly on our marriage, and our love is stronger than it’s ever been.

Michael and Amy

For those of you battling in your marriage I pray that you don’t give up. If my broken marriage could be restored and renewed, anyone’s can. I am confident you will make it through the heavy rains and strong winds that may come as long as you are standing firmly on the rock of Jesus Christ.

“Therefore everyone who hears these words of mine and puts them into practice is like a wise man who built his house on the rock. The rain came down, the streams rose, and the winds blew and beat against the house; yet it did not fall, because it had it’s foundation on the rock.”

— Matthew 7:24-27 (NIV)

THE PURPOSE OF PAIN

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On a day of volunteering at a ministry that provides food to people in need, I was able to see clearly how God uses pain in our lives. As I stood next to a table that had a variety of delicious foods, I picked up a pie and handed it to a sweet, young mom. Tears came streaming down her face as she saw the abundance of food we were giving her family. The pie seemed to be the straw that broke the camel’s back, or to put it in better words: It was the pie that touched the mother’s heart. She was obviously deeply touched by the generosity of God through this ministry.

Through her tears, she began telling me that her small children had been without enough food to fill their tummies the previous week. While she was sharing her heart, I was overcome with weepy emotionsWith tears rolling down my cheeks, I embraced her tightly. Her story was taking my mind back to the time when I was experiencing a difficult circumstance similar to hers.

As I remembered my pain, I told her, “It will get better with God’s help; I promise.”

Memories flooded my mind as I hugged her. I thought about the years my husband’s home-based business was struggling and he delivered pizza for less than $7.00 an hour while I was home-schooling our children and working part-time. As I listened to her painful story, I remembered the day when our refrigerator was almost empty and my daughter asked me, “Are we going to starve, Mommy?”

Join me over at DaySpring’s (in)courage site to read the rest of the story. I’m super excited to be a guest contributor to one of the best women’s ministry websites online.

JESUS MAKES BEAUTIFUL THINGS

Beauty for Ashes - Isaiah 61

As I shut off my cell phone, I burst into a deep heartfelt cry. I’d just listened to someone spill their heart about a really tragic circumstance. I could feel the pain of another person’s heart entering into mine. It hurt me deeply to watch a loved one go through such an excruciatingly painful thing that seemed more like a nightmare than reality.

After I dried my tears, my mind filled with thoughts and questions. How can this be redeemed? How can anything good come out of this tragedy?

Within moments, the questions left my mind and I felt the warmth of Christ’s love wash over me. In my spirit, I could hear Him whispering, “I can make beauty out of anything.”

As the day went on, I felt God’s presence and peace so intensely, and I remembered the song, Beautiful Things, recorded by Gungor. I rushed to my computer and pulled up the video online. As I listened to the words, I began to weep again. This time it was different though. My tears were not filled with distress like earlier in the day. The tears were an expression of joy as I meditated on the fact that Jesus is the Beauty-maker.

If He could take a broken, messed up life like mine and turn it into a beautiful story of love, He can surely take my loved one’s or anyone’s life and turn the ugliness into something beautiful.

My life is proof that Jesus creates beauty out of messes. He healed my broken, painful marriage and turned my seeds of hatred into mountains of love. He turned my depression into unspeakable joy. He breathed life into my broken spirit and made me new.

Because of the way Christ has redeemed my past, I choose to have child-like faith for every person’s life—not just my own. No matter how big the mountain is in a person’s life, it’s not too big for Jesus. He is the healer of broken hearts and the mender of all things.

With my redeemed life, I’ve made it one of my life’s purposes to spread encouragement everywhere I go and to pray without ceasing for those who haven’t yet seen Christ’s beauty revealed in their lives.

For those experiencing anguish, you can be assured that Christ will replace the ashes of your past with a crown of beauty and give you a joyous blessing instead of despair. The Spirit of God holds a ray of light so intense that it will penetrate the darkest places of your soul and will fill you with an indescribable peace as you trust Christ to make beautiful things out of your pain.

 “To all who mourn in Israel, he will give a crown of beauty for ashes, a joyous blessing instead of mourning, festive praise instead of despair. In their righteousness, they will be like great oaks that the Lord has planted for his own glory.” — Isaiah 61:3 (NLT)

THE SECRET PLACE OF GOD’S LOVE

Psalm 91

On a summer day in 2008 when I was working at a nearby country club as a server, I was taken by surprise when fear tried to grip my heart. A new man had been hired and I could see darkness all around him and tremendous hurt in his eyes. My discomfort grew when he began spilling out words that sounded more like lines from a scary movie than words a person would speak to their co-worker. I had an eerie feeling in my gut whenever I was near him.

After several days of working with the new employee, I was feeling a tremendous burden as I faced my fears. I was seeking God for answers, seeking to know whether the vibe I was discerning was truly accurate. While praying with my family about the situation, I paused to allow the tears to flow as my spirit felt compassion for this man who desperately needed Jesus.

For as far back as I can remember I battled with fear of bad guys. I thought there was a monster living under my bed when I was a little girl. I remember being tormented, as I lay awake in my bedroom of our very old house. I would hear noises in the attic, and I would want to sleep close to my mom and dad. As I grew older and grew closer to the Lord, my fears subsided. But occasionally, invasive thoughts of bad things would come back to visit.

The unsettling words of the man at work stirred up fear and were taunting me enough that I knew I had to pray fervently. I prayed over and over for this co-worker to be drawn to Christ’s heart. Praying for the man wasn’t enough to sooth my spirit though. I needed to hear the voice of the Lord. I needed His comfort and His Spirit to show me I was being cared for in the midst of my feelings of uncertainty. I needed the heavy burden to lift off of me.

I asked the Lord to speak to me and encourage my heart. I went to the altar for prayer during our worship service. My spirit was longing to know I had nothing to fear and to know I would be safely shielded in the shadow of God’s wings. After my friends at church prayed for me, I felt better, but I was still battling with unrest in my spirit.

Later in the day, after I arrived home from church, I began sorting through a pile of scarves I had left on my bed earlier while scurrying to find the right one to wear that morning. Then while putting the scarves away, I noticed a camouflage-colored bandana in the pile that had some words imprinted on it resembling a poem. I had never looked closely at it or noticed the words before. It had belonged to Mimi, my grandmother. I didn’t really like the colors of the bandana, and I had no real sentimental attachment to it, but for some reason I had brought it home after she passed away the year before.

After having the bandana tucked away in my closet for over a year, I realized that the words were actually Scriptures, and I felt compelled to read the verses.  I sat down on the edge of my bed and began weeping with a powerful sense of relief as I savored the words.

 

He who dwells in the shelter of the Most High
Will abide in the shadow of the Almighty.
I will say to the Lord, “My refuge and my fortress,
My God, in whom I trust!”
For it is He who delivers you from the snare of the trapper
And from the deadly pestilence.
He will cover you with His pinions,
And under His wings you may seek refuge;
His faithfulness is a shield and bulwark.

You will not be afraid of the terror by night,
Or of the arrow that flies by day;

Of the pestilence that stalks in darkness,
Or of the destruction that lays waste at noon.
A thousand may fall at your side
And ten thousand at your right hand,
But it shall not approach you.
You will only look on with your eyes
And see the recompense of the wicked.
For you have made the Lord, my refuge,
Even the Most High, your dwelling place.
No evil will befall you,
Nor will any plague come near your tent.

For He will give His angels charge concerning you,
To guard you in all your ways.
They will bear you up in their hands,
That you do not strike your foot against a stone.
You will tread upon the lion and cobra,
The young lion and the serpent you will trample down.

Because he has loved Me, therefore I will deliver him;
I will set him securely on high, because he has known My name.
He will call upon Me, and I will answer him;
I will be with him in trouble;
I will rescue him and honor him.
“With a long life I will satisfy him
And let him see My salvation.

 — Psalm 91 (NASB)

While wiping away my tears, my burden lifted, and my spirit settled into a warm, peaceful place. It’s hard to describe the magnitude of my relief. The verses in Psalm 91 were special to me because they had ministered to me many times before.

There is a song we used to sing at church that has the words of this Psalm for its lyrics. The song and verses have always melted my heart—speaking directly to the unsettled places inside me.

As I read each word of the Scriptures on the bandana, it was as though Christ was sitting there holding me tightly saying, “See, Amy, I will take care of you; I am showing you that I will.” Discovering some of my favorite Scriptures written on a scarf was a sweet personal touch from Jesusstraight from His heart to mine.

While holding the bandana my memory was jolted and I thought of a time in my childhood when I was shopping in a department store with Mimi, and I had gotten separated from her. I was probably about five years old. I can still envision myself standing there with a saleswoman feeling panicked and frightened. Thoughts were racing through my head. Would I be okay? Would I find my grandmother?

Can you imagine the magnitude of my relief when I saw my grandmother’s face after being separated from her? The emotions were overwhelming as I ran to her and embraced her. I felt the same emotions on the day when I stumbled upon the words of Psalm 91 on Mimi’s bandana. I felt warmly held in my Father’s embrace, with an overwhelming sense of love and protection.

Even though it’s been nearly six years since Christ used a scarf to melt away my discomfort and fear, I am still resting in the words of Psalm 91, and I pray those Scriptures over myself and my family each day. Every time God comes to my rescue, my heart falls deeper in love with Him.

The Lord amazes me with His ability to encourage His beloved children. He reveals His love in so many unique ways. Knowing Christ intimately brings us lasting joy and contentment that cannot be snatched away by the circumstances surrounding us.

Jesus is the One who satisfies the soul. He calms us in a chaotic world. He shows us that there is solace and serenity waiting for us. When we run to Him in despair, we find peace. When we run to our Father’s arms—the sacred dwelling place—we are hidden in the beautiful, secret place of His love.

This piece was originally written in 2008.

INEXPRESSIBLY GRATEFUL

Inexpressible Gift

Although there are no human words to express my gratitude for what Christ has done for me, my heart’s desire is to capture the essence of my gratefulness in my prayers and letters to Him. I wrote this letter to Jesus in 2009 as my pledge of love to Him and my commitment to trust Him in every area of my life.

Dear Jesus,

I love You with all of my heart and soul. I love You more than the very breath You give me. Every step I take—I take for You. You excite me! You make my heart sing and dance. You make me happy. You make me want to leap and jump and skip. You make me feel like a little girl. You make me want to wake up every day and look for You.

I feel You with me. I know You’re beside me. I feel Your angels everywhere I go. There’s this amazing covering You have placed over me. Sometimes I feel Your Presence so strongly that I almost think I can touch You. I am grateful.

I am amazed at your love for me. You relentlessly follow me and show me Your Beauty. The joy you have placed in my heart is so overpowering that I can’t contain it at times.

I am overwhelmed by your love. I need You, my Lord, more than anything else and I praise and honor You for the ways You chase me with Your love. In every area I have been deprived in, You have given me an abundance of blessing.

Lord, I don’t want to ever doubt You again. Forgive me for taking so many years to get to this place of trust. I am thankful that I have fully accepted the gift of You and Your love. Help me to continually stay in this place of trust.

I am Yours always…no one can ever take me away from You. Your love permeates my heart. Your love lifts me high. Your love makes my life beautiful. How can I repay You for Your love for me?

Yours forever and always,
Amy

“Thanks be to God for his inexpressible gift!” — 2 Corinthians 9:15 (ESV)

I’m linking up for Five Minute Friday where Lisa Jo Baker and other awesome people write for five minutes flat with no self critiquing or no striving for perfection. This week’s prompt is: “Grateful.”

 Five Minute Friday

 

PRAYER eBOOK: 99¢ UNTIL 4/8 AND GIVING BUNK BEDS TO ORPHANS

Hands of Love Bunk Beds

I was inspired by the power of prayer working in my life and in the lives of my children to write Prayers of a Mother’s Heart: For a Chosen Generation, an eBook about faith-filled prayer with several personal stories and over twenty-five actual prayers.

One of my goals for the book was to use it as a fundraiser for our plans to adopt a Ugandan child. During the process of writing and publishing my eBook, our plans to adopt shifted. We listened to God’s voice guiding us to postpone the adoption plans until after our youngest child graduates from high school in 2015.

Although, we postponed our adoption plans, my passion for the Ugandan people has only gotten stronger. A beloved friend introduced me to Hands of Love, a ministry that cares for over 1,400 orphans. My husband and I partnered with this ministry because we love how they’re meeting the needs of children who would otherwise be living on the streets, struggling to survive.

This past year, we were over-the-top excited to buy a bicycle for our sponsored staff member at Hands of Love and to provide money that helped fund bunk beds for the children who aren’t sponsored. I’m sharing this only to testify of Christ’s goodness for restoring our finances so that we may bless others.

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The staff members at Hands of Love are ecstatic about their new bicycles because they don’t have to walk miles to work and to church anymore. I can only imagine the relief they are feeling.

So, what does a prayer eBook have to do with giving bunk beds to orphans and providing bicycles to the staff members at the orphanage?

Prayers of a Mother’s Heart will be .99 cents through April 8th as a special promotion. I plan to use the proceeds from this promotion to help purchase more bunk beds or whatever the children at Hands of Love may need.

Can you imagine sleeping every night on a hard floor? A child’s world is changed when they are given a comfortable bed and provided with safe shelter. My heart is rejoicing to be able to make a difference in a child’s life so that he or she will one day make a difference in the world.

Prayers of a Mother’s Heart was written with a divine purpose to bless children and can be downloaded at Amazon.com.

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May Jesus use each of us to make a difference every day in the lives of those in need.

The photos were taken at one of the Hands of Love orphanages.

THE POWER OF PRAYER

Rejoice in Hope

Sometimes it takes darkness to realize how much we need prayer in our lives. I learned this lesson during the lowest of lows in my own life.

It was springtime in 1997. It should’ve been a happy season for me as I had recently given birth to my second child, a son. But instead of feeling joy, I had an overwhelming sense of despair and a case of postpartum depression that I couldn’t shake off without a true, divine intervention. I was in a deep pita place of desperation. I remember wanting to die.

It seemed that everything good in my life had been lost. My marriage was broken, our finances were a complete mess, and my seven-year-old daughter was feeling the stress in our home. The weight of all my struggles caused hopelessness to fill my soul. Because of a busy life of church activities, working tirelessly, and striving to please people, my prayers had become last resort petitions to God instead of daily communion with Him. I felt as though I was surrounded by a thick, dark cloud. My personal journal revealed the desperation in my soul.

May 22, 1997: God, do You hate me? I feel so helpless. Please show me Your love. Please make a way for me out of this.

Deep in my heart, I knew the only answer for me was the power of the resurrected Christ to pull me up out of my desperation and awaken my soul with His healing light. Those desperate prayers were the seeds that eventually grew into a more disciplined life of prayer.

Visit crunchylibrarian.com to read the rest of the story. I’m so honored to have a guest post over at Amy Dane’s awesome blog!