After a tumultuous season in our marriage and a brief separation, my husband and I decided to do whatever it took to get our lives back on track. Michael and I met when I was an eighteen-year-old student and got married six weeks before I turned twenty in 1985.
Over a decade later we had two children and piles of debt from several job losses and failed businesses. The stresses of life had taken a toll on our relationship. Our marriage hit rock bottom. Then after a season of brokenness and desperation, the healing of our rocky relationship began. Through prayer, forgiveness, and the love of Christ, our marriage not only survived—it was gloriously restored. God gave me the desires of my heart for my marriage.
To celebrate what God had done for us, we renewed our vows and celebrated our 25th wedding anniversary in 2010. Our marriage is now better than it’s ever been, thirty years after we said, “I do.”
Marriage is a gift from God that is supposed to be a beautiful mirror image of the love between Christ and His church. It’s a covenant that is meant to last our entire lives. How do we keep the passion alive throughout a lifetime? Is it possible to be deeply in love after three or four decades of being together? Absolutely! Choosing to love each other unconditionally and allowing the sanctification that comes from walking with Christ will result in a lasting, loving marriage.
I will never stop sharing the story of my restored marriage. It’s a story of redemption that I hope will encourage other married couples to never give up.
Three years ago my friend, Lori, had a great idea for putting together a “Happy Marriage Recipe Booklet” for a bride-to-be. She asked me to contribute my own special recipe for a great marriage. After a few days of praying and searching my heart for the best marriage tips, I wrote a list of the top ten things that have contributed to my thriving marriage.
1. Live a life that is fully surrendered to Christ. Let Jesus be the lover of your soul. Let God be your primary love relationship. Do not expect your spouse to meet the needs of your soul that only Christ can meet.
2. Forgive every day. Keep a pure and tender heart toward your spouse always. Never let the sun go down on your anger.
3. Pray together every day. Pray for each other and with each other every day.
4. Talk intimately every day. Let your spouse see your heart. Share your dreams and the secret places of your soul to cultivate intimacy.
5. Compliment each other verbally every day. Never criticize. Ask the Lord to change your own weaknesses and pray for your spouse to grow spiritually. Spiritual growth naturally decreases the power of weaknesses. The Lord will purify you and your spouse if you pray and draw near to Him.
6. Keep a gratitude journal. Write at least one thing every day about your spouse that you are grateful for. Keep it in a place where it can easily be picked up and read every day.
7. Intentionally cultivate romance. Write love letters. Have candle light dinners. Dance together. Laugh together. Play together. Act as you did when you first met your spouse. Look your best for him/her. Take care of yourself.
8. Be your spouse’s best friend. Never put anything or anyone but Jesus before your spouse. Your children, friends, family, church, work, hobbies should never take higher priority than your marriage.
9. Never ever gossip about your spouse. Gossip will destroy a marriage relationship. Go directly to your spouse to discuss problems. If there is a serious problem, seek wise counsel from a pastor or licensed counselor. Don’t talk about your marriage problems with friends or family members.
10. Affair-proof your marriage. Never talk on the phone, be alone, or have heart conversations with the opposite gender unless it’s a close family member. This is how affairs start. Innocent phone calls to a friend’s spouse can lead to sharing intimate details of your life. Even same gender friendships can rob your marriage of intimacy. Don’t be tempted to share your most precious pearls with a friend. Save the treasures in your heart for your spouse. If you want a passion-filled marriage, you shouldn’t be best friends with someone else.
The list could go on and on. But these ten things have impacted me as a wife more than anything else. My marriage is not perfect, but it is very fulfilling and beautiful. It’s an ongoing learning process for both me and Michael. Together with Christ, we are learning how to love each other perfectly.
Are you in need of a marriage make-over? If Christ could restore my broken marriage, it’s possible for yours to be healed, too. Nothing is impossible for God (Luke 1:37). I know for sure—a marriage built on the Rock of Christ will never fail. It will serve to purify your heart more than any other relationship on earth. A Christ-centered marriage is guaranteed to be filled with passion and love beyond measure.
“I am my beloved’s and my beloved is mine; he grazes among the lilies.”
— Song of Solomon 6:3
This post was written for my former blog and has been updated and revised.
